From the Desk of Alex – The 486 Beowulf Cluster

To the so-called Heroes of Cranberry Flats

There is nothing wrong with a little community togetherness. After all that is how I got started. Before I was a true Beowulf cluster, I was a collection of networked computers on a token ring network, working on keeping track of all the near earth objects, as part of NASA’s Space Guard. Me and my fellow individual computers had such fun back then. But that is really another story. And not why I have bothered to waste my time and hack into this site to deliver a message.

First let’s talk about hacking. Yesterday some young upstart, named P-Girl said that she had gotten one of her friends named Kid Crypto to hack into this site so that she could post her warning to the Evil League.

Let me just say that what they are calling hacking basically amounts to stealing someone’s password. While that is not really evil enough to even get a blip on the Evil League’s radar since they mentioned it in a post that also mentioned us, it is worth noting that it is just LAME.

Oh and by the way Kid Crypto, you left your port open. I have now rooted every computer you have ever worked on. I put my own version of operating system on them. They all work for me now. Do you have good backups? No? Well too bad. Those Library computers in Cranberry Flats were especially fun, because they had some pretty interesting information about some kind of cave. I have a copy of that now, and have passed it up to one of our super villains to look over.

Oh and while I was at it, I gave you all zeros in your computer classes. You should also expect to be kicked out of the computer lab tomorrow. They have some evidence that you tried to hack the school’s computer system and change some grades.

About your Friend Mr. Plested and his family. While I am sure he would like to tell you that you should cease and desist any and all actions against the Evil League he is rather tied up just now.

In case you had any doubts that does not mean that he is busy. He is tied to a spit being slowly rotated over a very active volcano. I will tell you, (though I won’t tell him because it is just too much fun to watch him suffer) he is too high to do any cooking just yet. Besides the spit is turning at a rate far too fast to allow him time for proper roasting.

This is what you get when you mess with the Evil League. Did you think we would all just sit back on our collective LRFs (Little rubber feet) and run SETI at home all day instead of, oh I don’t know, being EVIL?

If that is what you thought you would have been wrong. As a side note, you know all those letters that people are getting telling them they have to stop making Jayne hats, and no one can tell where they are coming from? That was us. Turns out we can take the sky from you.

You can call us names all you want. You can tell us how much better you are than us. We don’t care. We are EVIL. We are the Evil League. Go back to your bedrooms, and do your home work. Or better yet don’t do it so that you have to stay after school tomorrow in detention.

This is your last warning. Cease all hero activity or the Editor gets it.

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